State and central Report card

Maha CM Devendra Fadnavis set an ambitious target for the next 100 days of his govt, with catchy stuff like education minister visiting 100 schools, health mantri 100 hospitals, etc. NCP headmistress Mrs Supriya Sule (nee Pawar) has expectedly failed his govt on its first-100-days performance. On her dissenting ‘Report card�? the only high-scoring subject is Crime. In which case, should police be sent Home?

Whether Sule Ma’am’s undue harshness was due to her existential problem or a congenital feud with the BJP headmaster is outside this week’s syllabus. Instead, your columnist seeks permission to issue her own Report card. It could apply across the board, and even to the central university.

Geography: 45%. Some CMs hit bouncers over boundaries, refusing to implement the delimitation course. They fear that it’s merely central board’s tactic to curtail their influence.

History: 35%/95%. An anomaly easily explained. States will score abysmally if tested on the entire gamut of Indian history; they will be toppers if performance is marked only on a slashed, self-serving version. Thanks to our newfound place as ‘world’s fastest growing economy�? derogatory ‘Hindu rate of growth�?is history. Replaced by era-excising ‘Hindutva rate of glory�?

Geometry: 30%/90%, depending on one’s views on the old geometry box. How much has one community been set-squarely against another? How vital is moral compass? And/or omnipotent ruler?

Arithmetic: Some score 100%; others risk being thrown out of school for failing in three, consecutive grading cycles. Former have mastered electoral math; latter never seem to add up to anything.

Chemistry: 14.2%. This being Muslim share in India’s 1.7bn population. It’s highest outside Muslim-majority countries but our polity has a unique way of levelling the field; actually, ‘razing the stakes�?

Science: 100%. Every discovery/invention hijacked by West has been correctly restored to its original Vedic age.

Literature: 110% since authorised texts are all fiction.

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Alec Smart said: �?/b>Netas �?rhino hides vis-à-vis serious complaints; paper-thin skin vis-à-vis comedy.�?/b>

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Disclaimer

This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.

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