Machibet LiveProject management for dummies

If you study modern business history, you will realise companies have been grappling with the issue of how to add value. CEOs have been known to toss and turn over this in interviews making it difficult for the cameraman to keep them in frame. One day however, suddenly realisation dawned upon the industry like a massive knowledge sunrise that value can be generated by simply implementing projects.

Project comes from old Latin of “Pro” meaning “large amounts of effort and time spent” and “Ject” meaning “for reasons which are not completely clear”. Usually, these projects are initiated by some reps from the management who are only seen during the press release. Projects have a mythical origin as they are visible only once they pass the tunnel of the business case, cross the bridge of budgets and win the heart of the project sponsor. For easy reference, the definitions are

Business case – An excel sheet which has been tortured enough to confess to a decision already made. You can never look stupid when you peer over your glasses and say, “Is there a business case behind it?” and this applies for all situations, even when they make the evacuation announcement during an office fire.

Budget – A number which is roughly half of what has been proposed in the business case. This number though arbitrary, is absolutely sacrosanct and like traffic in Bangalore, absolutely immovable i.e. for the vendor.

So, once a project manifests, the next step is to find someone to execute it. Normally there are many people in the company who can execute a project but all of them have been assigned with the duty of shaking their heads in rehearsed disbelief and tut-tutting, “I told you so” during steering committees hence the role of the project sponsor falls to the one least equipped to do it. So, an accounting project will have someone with strategy experience in charge, an IT project will have someone from Finance in charge. Critical qualifiers are that the sponsor should not really understand much about the project as it is essential for him to believe that it very easy and also have enough of a vocabulary to give it a name like “Olympus”, “Apollo” etc which feels so inspiring that you need to shoot half the team members with tranquiliser darts just so that they stop appearing a blur in the team photos.

Once the project sponsor has been confirmed and the budget approved after so many cuts that the final budget looks like a skinned pineapple, we are ready.

Typically, there are 6 steps to a project

Identification of a suitable partner

Companies need external partners as a project is a one-off thing and so needs temporary headcount. Also external partners bring certain assets to the project like experience in being screamed at and also a thick skin which helps them do the one off projects in perpetuity. Eventually so much value is generated that it seeps through the floors to the basement where it gets treated, processed and put in storage as reports.

Usually, companies run a process called an RFP whereby multiple parties are called to bid for the project with the published scope. The scope can be summarised usually in one line “Do everything that might be needed for half of what it would cost you”. The bidding parties are of course smart and build contingencies in their effort estimation. A good rule of thumb followed for estimating the man-day effort is, thinking of the number of atoms in the universe and then doubling it.

Defining the scope and schedule of the project

Once the winning bidder is decided, usually after a round of presentations by the various bidders all of which look and sound like each other, the winner is decided by selecting the vendor whose quotation is so low that project members end up regularly tripping over it and injuring themselves. The parties get to the contract signing for which the final date of going live is so aggressively negotiated that many a times, the go live date moves into the past and recedes further while negotiations are still on. Once the contract has been signed the action moves onto

Executing the project

A kick off is held to officially launch the project. A kick off date is also defined as the date when your subject matter experts leave the company, get promoted or take on a different role and leave the project. The project usually offsets this development by adding on extra team members whose most valuable asset is that they are available for having been fired from other projects. Teams need to meet, discuss and document everything to mark the progress of the project which is marked by number of unread PowerPoint presentations and no of emails which have been forwarded with the text “FYI…” during the project. But deadlines often slip, and one is called upon to

Explaining the delay

A very important step of a project is generating a list of reasons and the mitigation steps taken however unlikely they are to address the actual problem. i.e.

Reason for Delay: Meteor strike at offshore project site killing all offsite team members

Mitigation step: Replacing the coffee machine which would increase onsite productivity to such a level that most team members would blink only in 2065.

Milestone status: Move traffic light from red to orange

Good project managers should have a list of project delays kept ready even before the kick off so that they are not caught unawares during

Crisis arm wrestling

A series of delays cause a crisis in the project. Usually announced by someone who finally says what everyone knows all along. It is very important not to be the first party to announce the crisis as that will be seen as an admission of guilt. As soon as someone blurts it out in a moment of weakness, all parties heave a secret sigh of relief and put on a mask of surprised outrage and accuse the other party of unprofessionalism. The pitch keeps on increasing till dogs start howling and bats start smashing into the office windows at which point both parties (by now exhausted) agree to

Renegotiate and go live

Finally, both parties agree to declare a “phased go live” and announce it running around with such enthusiasm that old timers are reminded of Archimedes running around in the streets of Athens. So, you declare wherever you are as “Live” and everything that is incomplete is moved to the next phase. The next phase, and follow me closely here, is usually commenced by