The Elon Ranger

Trump’s hatchet man who fires from the hip is like a character from a Western comic book

Jottings from the White House diary:

Boy, have I had one helluva week. Did that video that’s gone viral showin’ my Gaza Resort with a sing-along jingle, a whopping gold statue of me, an’ me waltzin’ with bearded belly dancers.

Then I did that arm twistin’ with that Zelkinky or whatever, to get him to stop invading my pal Pootie’s Russia and to gimme all those minerals and stuff he’s got.

Then I rolled out the Gold Card wheeze that gets you to stay in US of A if you can shell out five million smackeroos, which’ll bring in megabucks, specially for folk in the buildin’ business, like me and Jared.

So who’s been runnin’ the country while I’ve been busy doin’ all this? What a dumbass question to ask! My buddy Elon’s been runnin’ it, mostly by runnin’ people out of their jobs.

He’s already fired over 20,000 of ’em including those gonzos who were aidin’ and abettin’ all them foreign countries. The way Elon fires all those sad sacks, shootin’ ’em from the hip sorta, he reminds me of that Lone Ranger fella who rode a white horse, shot silver bullets, and had a sidekick called Tonto.

Come ta think of it, if ya scramble ELON it becomes LONE, so he’s like the Elon Ranger. Maybe we could do a video of him too, firin’ all those no-good bums who spend all them taxpayer dollars and do eff-all in return.

My Elon Ranger says he meansta get ridda half the 2.2mn guvment ’ployees who cost us 6.7tn bucks a year, and by firin’ them he’s gonna save us a trillion greenbacks.

Elon Ranger takes out all those no-gooders of the Deep State even faster than the Lone Ranger took out all them baddies of the Wild West. Wham, Bam, Thankee Uncle Sam!

Oh, here he comes, walkin’ towards me. I’ll ask him who he’s gonna fire next. But what’s that he’s holdin’ in his hand? A slip of paper? A pink slip of paper? Wonder what it means…