Screen test

On keeping calm through a digital arrest

It started with an innocuous phone call and in no time I was face-to-face with a fearsome man on my laptop screen. “You are under digital arrest,” he said.

Not one to run away from trouble, I collected my thoughts and replied that, not just me, everybody is under digital arrest. They have been for years. You talk to people, but they hem and haw, their eyes glued to their screens. Even young lovers sit together looking at their phones. Not just them, car drivers, traffic cops, walkers, sellers who should be looking out for customers, they are all under digital arrest. Nobody does a thing these days except that!

The man looked agitated. “You don’t understand. This is far more serious than you think.” Overcome by a wave of honesty, I admitted that I cannot go to sleep until I down two episodes of my ongoing series – neat, as in without a break or ads. The man shook his head and threw up his hands in the air. “You have no idea what you are talking about, and the trouble you are in,” he said.

Then he reached out for a piece of paper and read out that I had laundered money on foreign trips. That made me think. It seems on my recent trip to London and its neighbouring cities, supported by my generous wife, I had been under his watch. Even though I had avoided the pubs and taverns, perhaps I had made some errors of judgement. I had admired a few houses, and clean, quiet neighbourhoods like St John’s Wood and Hampstead, but was that a crime? I had gambled a little at the pier and laid a few bets, so what? But I could be wrong. My knowledge of lawful actions could be outdated.

As he rattled off the gravity of my crime, I realised I had always been afraid of the authorities. Wasn’t I aware of what went on in police stations? Which ordinary citizen in their right minds would want to have anything to do with any govt department? I would be bankrupt, paying legal fees to rich lawyers, or be behind bars in this just and fair country.

I paid up, and praised the govt. He said I was off the hook. Relieved, I at once switched on the TV to watch my favourite show and erase the memory of the arrest.