Norms play key role in raising gender-equitable boys, say experts

BENGALURU: From breaking gender boundaries at home to keeping an eye on external factors and using non-patriarchal language, parents need to tread the smart route to raise their children, especially boys, to ensure they are gender equitable.
At a recent webinar on ‘Redefining masculinity; parenting tips for raising gender equitable boys’, experts discussed the role that patriarchal gender norms play in raising boys and how parents can counter norms and raise them to promote gender equality and non-violence.The event was organised by Bangalore International Centre.

Lekha Naidu of BIC said: “Boys will be boys is an adage that is often used to pass off lewd and discriminatory behaviour towards women and girls. The underlying premise is that boys are ‘hard-wired’ in this way and the course of nature cannot be altered, so one has to accept that boys will always be discriminatory towards women and girls. This reasoning is not only deterministic and flawed as it completely negates the role of socialisation in this process, but also very detrimental to society at large.”
On the importance of educating young boys and men, Sujata Khandekar, founding director & secretary, CORO India, said she has worked extensively and intensively on violence against women and realised that men need to be educated about their role in the power dynamics.
“We observed that when women break cultural silence and become more vocal, the backlash and violence increases. We realised we had to also address men who were on the other side of the dynamics. We were not educating them enough about their role, social justice and equality,” she pointed out.
She said apart from families, media and peers are also important in making impressions of masculinity among young men. “Young men who were perpetrating physical and mental violence did not see it as wrong, but as a norm,” she said.
Experts said the change will begin with parents making the change themselves: From doing housework, breaking gender norms and walking the talk.
Viiveck Verma, coach, mentor, investor & philanthropist, said it is not just about words but also action. “Our conversations must also change, and we must progress with the world. I am learning so much about gender from my younger daughter.”
Parmesh Shahani, author, Queeristan, agreed. He said media and movies are helping shift the narratives on how parents’ love could transcend societal barriers.
“Families need to act better, and parents must learn to educate themselves. There is no excuse anymore – there are books, movies, social media that will help check your biases. We need better allies at homes and outside,” he said, adding that children must not be forced but allowed to make their choices.