Mcb777 Bet Living-in, not marriage, for these 50+ couples

Living together out of wedlock? Haw, what will the children think? You heard that right. As senior couples decide to take a leaf from the millennial relationship book and “shack up” together with no plans to tie the knot, it’s the turn of their children to swallow their objections.When Asawari Kulkarni, who had lost her husband in 1997, found the ideal companion for her silver years in Anil Yardi, it took some time for Yardi’s daughter to come around. “My sister-in-law, also a widow, opposed the idea but recently in the lockdown, she came to stay with us because it was difficult for her to stay alone,” says Kulkarni.Kulkarni and Yardi, both 69, met through Happy Seniors, a Pune-based matchmaking agency started by former newspaper publisher Madhav Damle, which has connected 45 live-in couples. The two began talking on the phone and found that they both enjoyed travelling, picnics, and going for movies and plays. Within 10 months, they decided to take the next step and move in together — but without marrying. They’ve been living together for the last five years, and the companionship has helped them get through the long lonely lockdown, and the mountain of dishes in the sink. medium nocaption76935551Amruta Lovekar, gerontologist, Graceful Trust, Mumbai, says she has many seniors asking her how they can get into a live-in relationship with someone their age. “They are looking for a companion with whom they can talk, share, read the paper aloud, and discuss current affairs. But due to the social stigma around older people — especially women — dating, they end up frustrated and lonely,” says Lovekar, who has been running online support groups for seniors during the lockdown as part of a collaboration between Gracewell Trust and Jaslok hospital. Most seniors, says Lovekar, fear dying alone at home. Helplines have also been buzzing with seniors calling so that they could just talk to someone. “We need to break these taboos and encourage dating agencies for seniors,” says Lovekar.While cohabiting has no legal complications for seniors, even older couples face social disapproval from their families and neighbours, and opposition from children worried about inheritance issues.“To avoid complications, we ask couples to sign an agreement before they start living in, deciding on the terms of their relationship including finances and cohabiting arrangements as well as documentation that they’re actually single,” says Damle.Coincidentally, an employee at Happy Seniors also found love in the beginning of 2020. Sadhana*, 53, met Nitin when he came to the agency to look for a match for his widowed sister. The two became close. “After losing my husband in 2017, each day seemed difficult. But since meeting Nitin, the last few months have flown by,” says Sadhana. While the lockdown prompted the couple to shift in together, Sadhana still hasn’t told her son about it. “He still thinks that we travel together for work. I don’t think he will be able to bear it.” It was loneliness that brought Vinesh*, 71, and Savitri*, 70, together as well. They used to live in the same residential society in Ahmedabad for years and knew each other since their children were friends. Today, both are happily living together in that same society. After Vinesh’s wife passed away in 2010, he realised the challenges of living alone. He knew that Savitri was also all alone after her husband’s death in 1985 and her sons’ move to the US. At a cousin’s suggestion, Vinesh sent across a “proposal” to Savitri, except that it didn’t involve marriage. He was 62 then, and Savitri, 61. She said yes, and even their children, friends and neighbours gave their blessings. However, even eight years down the line, Savitri’s in-laws are not happy with their living arrangements, and that’s the reason the couple didn’t share their real names with the reporters. Apart from this, says Vinesh, ‘hamara achha saath hai’. medium nocaption76935722“We are both very devotional and travel to various religious places. In the evenings, we listen to bhajans,” says Vinesh. When Vinesh contracted chikungunya, Savitri nursed him back to health. “And I do the same for her when she’s not well,” he says. They have their differences but have learnt to live with them. For example, Vinesh doesn’t eat rotis because of gluten intolerance and Savitri only eats rotis. “We sleep in different rooms because she likes to run the fan fast and I prefer it at a slower speed.”Despite these ‘happily unmarried’ stories, most seniors still opt either to stay alone or get hitched. N M Rajeshwari, the founder of matchmaking platform Thodu Needa for those above 50, says that 30% of her clients opt for live-in relationships, while 70% opt for marriages.Those who opt for cohabiting are the ones that like their freedom, and financial independence.“I didn’t have a good experience with marriage, so I wasn’t keen on remarrying,” says Kulkarni. “This way, you get to know each other, and if you don’t get along, you can stay separately and still meet each other.”Ahmedabad resident Kusum* has been living happily with her partner Girish* for the last five years, but has no plans to get married because it would mean giving up the pension she gets from her late husband’s job. The couple first met at a matchmaking event organised in Bharuch by the non-profit Anubandh Foundation. When they were first introduced, Kusum, 58, realised Girish was three years younger than her. “But when I pointed this out to him, he simply said ‘koi baat nain, aapki age nahi dikhti. (It doesn’t matter. Your age doesn’t show).” Later, they got talking on the phone and went on a group trip to Kashmir organised by the foundation. Kusum says she liked his sense of humour and good nature, and asked Girish to shift from Vadodara to her flat in Ahmedabad. “After losing my husband in 2011, I would wonder how I would pass the rest of my life alone,” she recalls. “I have no children and just wanted some support. Now, I am tension-free. We travel together and take care of each other’s health.” medium nocaption76935560She especially valued Girish’s presence during the recent lockdown. “We are happy like this and live like husband and wife anyway. Just yesterday, he was telling me we are made for each other,” she smiles.boxcontentWHEN SENIORS DATE* On dating app TrulyMadly, while users above 50 are less than 1% of the total user base, they are growing at a rate of 200% year-on-year. In the first half of 2020, the app surpassed the total number of 50+ users that registered in 2019 * The oldest paying user on the app is a 69-year-old man* 50+ males also have two times better average like rate as compared to those between the age of 18 and 30*Names changed on request