“My son hits my daughter!”

Query: I am a mother of a boy and girl twin. For me, it is getting difficult to handle my son. They will be two years old in April. I keep my temper calm in all the cases but as he hits my girl I get angry over him. My aim is to make him know that this is unacceptable behavior. I have told him many times not to close the door over her face or don't lock her, don't hurt her but it seems my words don’t affect him a bit as he repeats the same behavior another hour or day.I have to be cautious all the time. Please suggest how to deal with him. I yelled at him today as he was crushing her by his legs and he started crying. I felt very bad but can't see my one kid hurting the other. Please tell.
Response by Dr Ishita: This can indeed be a very tough situation to be in as you love both your kids equally and seeing one hurting the other can leave you overwhelmed. Though helping kids understand how their actions impact others around them is a wise thing to do, but since they are toodlers, only talking may not resolve the issue at hand. Kids at this age are impressionable, observant and usually try to mimic what goes on around them. Thus, by careful alteration of some actions and behavior from your end can help bridge the gap in this situation. Some of the ways through which you can try modify the behavior of your son are:
- Try to show affection and pay equal attention towards both of them in a way you’d want both of them to behave with each other
- Portray a healthy relationship gesture by making them sit together and play with them where both the kids can be equally involved
- Try to have atleast one meal in a day together as a family
Aggression at this age is not unusual and it can stem from jealousy sometimes. There is a chance your son feels a bit attention-deprived or jealous when you show more care towards your daughter. A quick self-evaluation from time to time can help close any gaps that may occur due to uneven display of love and care towards your children. Having said that, as parents we try to give our best to our children, and for the same reason, you can easily overcome these behavioral issues with right guidance in the form of actions that your children can learn from.
Dr. Ishita Mukerji, Clinical Director and Senior Psychologist, Kaleidoscope - A unit of Global Excellence Group.
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