"My daughter loves being applauded. Is it a healthy habit?"

Query: My daughter loves being applauded and she tries doing the same during her online classes too. She likes telling her teachers that she is ready with answers or has done her classwork beforehand. Sometimes it appears boastful. Should I let her be? Or should I tell her that this is not a healthy habit?
Response by Dr Rachna Khanna: Hello, Thank you for writing to us.
From what you have shared, I understand that you are coming from a place of concern and care for your child, and want her to be more humble.
Sometimes, irrespective of age, we all like to get appreciated and there is nothing wrong with that, rather it is a normal human response. For children too, it is very natural to want that extra dose of appreciation. And to get that, children go to different extents, with boasting being one of the most common.
Further, boasting is not only normal but also healthy. According to leading child psychologists, children in their formative years are developing a sense of self, and the kind of feedback they get during these years plays a large role in shaping their identity.
However, too much of anything is not good and thus, what needs to be understood is where this behaviour is coming from. There can be many positive as well as negative reasons such, which might include:

So, first, it is important to understand the reason.
Another thing is that many times, kids are not aware that boasting can also hurt their friend's feelings. They are just happy for accomplishing the task and want to express that. However, if your child is deriving pleasure from doing something better than other kids, then responses as a parent can also teach them a valuable lesson.
Now, I recommend that through you, a good example for your daughter can be set. What children see, is what they adopt. If you find yourself gloating or boasting on any occasion, or any other adult in her vicinity is doing so, try and cut down on the behaviour.
Help them develop empathy by asking her how she would feel if others did the same. Tell her that the next time she feels happy about something, she can tell that to you once the class is over as you would love to hear it.
Lastly, encourage her to see that it feels good to give compliments as well.
And remember to give her appropriate praises.
Hope this helps. But if you still wish to discuss things further, please feel free to book an appointment with us.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh
HOD - Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon
Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert
Director - The Mind & Wellness Clinic, New Delhi
Director - Ngo Servesamman
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